Thursday 23 August 2012

Thursday, August 23, 2012 Posted by Jake No comments Labels:
Posted by Jake on Thursday, August 23, 2012 with No comments | Labels:

Woman forced to pay £200 to print out Ryanair tickets

A holidaymaker says she was forced by Ryanair to pay more than £200 for a "piece of paper" after she arrived at an airport without printing her boarding passes in advance. TELEGRAPH

(A Ryanair spokesperson said "We overdid it. So we've given her £200 worth of coupons to spend on all the things we currently charge for: using our loo, standing up, sitting down, and crying with joy when the whole Ryanair ordeal ends.")

Top bosses' pay rockets whilst everyone else's drops

For the first time, the total pay package for the typical FTSE 100 CEO hit £3m in 2011. This is an average rise of 8.5% despite the FTSE 100 falling. The average pay rise for workers nationally was 1.6%, less than half the pace of inflation. FTSE 100 CEO pay rose 23% in 2010. INDEPENDENT
(Said one CEO, "This is the politics of envy and I reject it... except when it comes to the fat cat pay of cats more fat than me")

Young graduates stuck doing lower skill jobs increases to 1 in 3

35.9% of those with a degree or higher education qualification, who graduated in the last 6 years, end up employed in lower skilled jobs, up from 26.7% in 2001. OFFICE OF NATIONAL STATISTICS
(Meanwhile this year's GCSE results fell for the first time in 24 years. As teachers claimed that grades had been deliberately suppressed, thousands of school kids across the country celebrated the news that they won't be wasting their time and money going to university.)

Five million homes face 'shock' energy bill rise

5 million customers of SSE, the UK’s second biggest energy company, face increases in their fuel bills of up to £100-a-year despite rising profits for energy companies. Ofgem, the energy regulator, said energy company profit margins were due to rise by almost 14 per cent.  TELEGRAPH
("What shock? We pull this scam every year. You should be used to it by now," said their spokesperson)

Britain's richest 5% gained most from quantitative easing, admits Bank of England

Bank reveals wealthiest boosted by printing £375bn and giving it to the banks, and keeping the borrowing base rate at a historically low 0.5% for so long. But they insists it spared UK from even deeper slump. GUARDIAN

Mitt Romney, multimillionaire US presidential candidate: "Never paid less than 13 percent" in taxes
"But every year I’ve paid at least 13% and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, why the number gets well above 20%" HUFFINGTON POST
(Sorry - we have to concede: can't out-satirise Romney on this one)

Tap water straight from the mains sold on shelves at Asda and Tesco
Supermarkets and their suppliers are enjoying a mark-up of around 2,500% for selling nothing more than filtered tap water. However, there is no explanation on the label of these supermarket brands that the contents are simply tap water. The water mains suppliers say filtering is totally unnecessary. DAILY MAIL
("This has left a bad taste in my mouth," said one customer)
The government is sitting on £1bn of TV licence fees
If you are one of the millions who pay for their TV licence by direct debit or cash payment plan, you are giving a £1billion interest-free loan to the government. WHICH?
("That's tens of millions in interest! They could at least invest that in flagship quality programmes like mine," said the producer of Strictly Come X Factor Millionaire Get Me Out Of Here)

Revealed: MPs' earnings from second jobs and TV work

MPs earn tens of thousands of pounds, on top of their £65,738 pay, from second jobs as lawyers, doctors and consultants. Others earn thousands from media appearances and advisory roles with companies. STANDARD
(SHOCK NEWS: lawyers, doctors and consultants exposed as earning £65,738 on the side as 'MPs'. One said "Calm down. I only ever spend a couple of hours a week running the country.")

No criminal case likely in $1bn loss of customers' money at MF Global

Criminal investigators into the disappearance of US$1bn of customer money are concluding that the money disappeared due to chaos and porous risk controls at the firm, but not fraud. Paying top money to bankers for 'excellence' apparently buys only incompetence. NEW YORK TIMES

("We try the 'porous risk control' defence every time but it never works for us. How come?" said our contact in the Mafia)


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