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Thursday, 20 September 2012

Thursday, September 20, 2012 Posted by Jake No comments Labels:
Posted by Jake on Thursday, September 20, 2012 with No comments | Labels:


Lloyds Bank's secret "bonus list" rewards hard sell sales culture among 'advisers'
Leaked document shows how many points each member of Lloyds staff 'scores' if they sell certain products. If they hit targets they win bonuses. But this can result in customers not getting the 'best advice.' DAILY MAIL
("We totally deny these allegations" said Lloyds in a hurriedly called press conference that nobody really asked for, during which they tried to sell absolutely everyone some pet insurance)


UBS trader 'gambled away' £1.4bn

A City trader "gambled away" £1.4bn ($2.3bn) of his firm's money and caused "chaos and disaster", a jury has heard. The prosecutor said that at one point "Mr Kweku Adoboli was betting the entire bank on the toss of a coin. He was a greedy banker out of control and out for himself." The fraud began in 2008, after the start of the banking crisis. BBC NEWS
("But had the fraud taken place before 2008, he'd be Chief Executive by now. Makes you think..." said defending counsel)

Payday lender Wonga trebles earnings as recession worsens

Short-term loan provider benefits from surge in applications. The number of loans it provided in 2011 quadrupled to 2.5m, and its income rose 225%. The CEO denied they were legalised loan sharks. He explained that most of the loans are small, and paid off soon after. GUARDIAN
("...although we keep receiving a £50bn loan application from a Mr G Osborne. As a responsible lender, we always turn him down," he added.)

Homeless families in B&B accommodation up by 44%
20 councils warned their insufficient budget meant they had to house families in B&Bs for an 'unacceptably long time'. But the housing minster insisted councils had sufficient funding to provide a perfectly adequate safety net. GUARDIAN
(When asked what he meant by a safety net, he replied "You know..., one of those things made of string.")

Private health firms told to get set for £20bn NHS bonanza
A report commissioned by private sector providers says there is 'significant opportunity for the private sector in primary and secondary care' by taking over GP surgeries and setting up new community health clinics. Andy Burnham, the shadow health secretary, said "Worse still, in Jeremy Hunt we now have a health secretary who bent over backwards in his last job to promote powerful private interests." GUARDIAN
(“Creating commissioning contracts clearly confuses that Hunt,” criticised one concerned consultant)

NYSE pays first-ever fine for compliance failures that gave some favoured customers trading information before the general public
The New York Stock Exchange's "technical problem" began in 2008. "Improper early access to market data, even measured in milliseconds, can in today's markets be a real and substantial advantage that disproportionately disadvantages retail and long-term investors," said the regulator. SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION (SEC)

Iain Duncan Smith's £2bn "benefit tourism" estimate cut by 92%

Last year Work and Pensions secretary Duncan Smith condemned the EU proposal that allowed anyone in the EU to claim benefits in the UK. He had said it could cost the UK more than £2bn a year. Now he admits it is only £155m. Officials said the £2bn figure was the "best estimate at the time". BBC NEWS
(When asked whether all his other predictions had a 92% margin of error, the minister replied, “No, just one: that we will win the next election with an overwhelming majority.”)


Mitt Romney has said that people taking home $250,000 (£154,000) are "middle income". Actual US average income is only $39,959

The misunderstanding explains why Mitt thinks all those "middle income" people he meets dining in ritzy restaurants and driving new cadillacs aren't suffering in the current bust. TELEGRAPH


The professional body for tax accountants says the government's Advisory Panel on tax dodging should have no representatives from HMRC 
"We think it is necessary for it to be genuinely independent, drawing on those with current practical tax experience and with no HMRC representatives" said the CIOT president. Chartered Institute of Taxation
(In other news, football matches will now only have one team on the pitch at a time, packs of cards will contain 52 aces, and juries will consist solely of the friends and family of the accused)

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